Monthly Archives: February 2012

#5 Run or walk for a cause

25 Ways To Love Yourself More

I’m excited to be joining the CASA 5k! The run isn’t until April 21st so I have time to get ready! =O I’ll be going with my cousin who did the 5k last month (in, like, 20 degree weather, mind you!) so I’m excited. It’ll be so much fun!

(I can’t figure out how to insert the damn logo.)

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#4 List all the Books You’ve Ever Wanted to Read

25 Ways To Love Yourself More

The Study Bible

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Two Nuts in Italy

The Help

A Tale of Two Lives

Alice in Wonderland

 


Tailspin

I’ve been in a downward spiral. I’ve always had depression but it’s never been like this. It becoming more frequent. I usually have an underlying sadness but I can still function and “fake it til I make it.” Sort of. But I haven’t been able to pull that off lately. For weeks now. I’ve had the anxiety, self-hate, anger, low self esteem and suicidal thoughts that comes with depression. But this time I also feel fear. Not of anything in particular just fear. I’ve had no interest in living much less any projects that I had lined up for myself which were, coincidentally, put in place to keep my depression at bay and sort of give me a “purpose”. And I have no interest in them.

So, so┬ámuch for my busy February. I started my “Closet Makeover”. I removed all the clothes from my closet and that’s as far as I got before my “loss of interest” kicked in big time. So now all my clothes are piled in my guest room and my closet is empty and, quite frankly, dirty. I can forget about finding something to wear. But I haven’t felt much like getting dressed lately anyway. I wanted to start my 30 day project. I might have done the first day or so. I can’t even remember. Therefore, I didn’t learn how to do a silhouette, long exposure, Bokeh or sunflare. My “lessons” for this month. I haven’t even done my love bug’s 7 month photo shoot. I’ve done none of my photography projects. My mother’s day, father’s day, Maddie’s first year. None of them. Nothing. The last pictures I took were weeks ago and I didn’t even have the desire to share them. I haven’t done my #4 and #5 for my 25 Ways to Love Yourself.

I even felt a disconnection with God. I pray every Saturday. And I know I should be studying daily. “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” (Joshua 1:8) But it wasn’t until this month that I almost couldn’t remember the last time I had prayed by the time the next Saturday had come around. And I feel hopeless. So God will come first. If I do anything it’ll be that because “If God is for me, who can be against me?” (Romans 8:31).

But I have to host a baby shower this Saturday and I’m hoping that’ll help me feel better. And also my cousin’s quincenera and I’m looking forward to seeing just one person, my cousin Amber. Maybe it’ll help rejoin the world of people. And I decided to start taking my antidepressants yesterday. I need help.

 

-V


Day 1: I Want to Makeover My Closet

Here’s how it looks now….

That’s maroon paint in the corner. I’ve attempted this before. =)


3 of 30: Clouds.

…And a little of the moon.


2 of 30: What You Wore Today

I love this necklace….Got it on Etsy. I love Etsy.

made by trinketsforkeeps