25 Ways To Love Yourself More
I’m excited to be joining the CASA 5k! The run isn’t until April 21st so I have time to get ready! =O I’ll be going with my cousin who did the 5k last month (in, like, 20 degree weather, mind you!) so I’m excited. It’ll be so much fun!
(I can’t figure out how to insert the damn logo.)
25 Ways To Love Yourself More
The Study Bible
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
Two Nuts in Italy
A Tale of Two Lives
Alice in Wonderland
I’ve been in a downward spiral. I’ve always had depression but it’s never been like this. It becoming more frequent. I usually have an underlying sadness but I can still function and “fake it til I make it.” Sort of. But I haven’t been able to pull that off lately. For weeks now. I’ve had the anxiety, self-hate, anger, low self esteem and suicidal thoughts that comes with depression. But this time I also feel fear. Not of anything in particular just fear. I’ve had no interest in living much less any projects that I had lined up for myself which were, coincidentally, put in place to keep my depression at bay and sort of give me a “purpose”. And I have no interest in them.
So, so much for my busy February. I started my “Closet Makeover”. I removed all the clothes from my closet and that’s as far as I got before my “loss of interest” kicked in big time. So now all my clothes are piled in my guest room and my closet is empty and, quite frankly, dirty. I can forget about finding something to wear. But I haven’t felt much like getting dressed lately anyway. I wanted to start my 30 day project. I might have done the first day or so. I can’t even remember. Therefore, I didn’t learn how to do a silhouette, long exposure, Bokeh or sunflare. My “lessons” for this month. I haven’t even done my love bug’s 7 month photo shoot. I’ve done none of my photography projects. My mother’s day, father’s day, Maddie’s first year. None of them. Nothing. The last pictures I took were weeks ago and I didn’t even have the desire to share them. I haven’t done my #4 and #5 for my 25 Ways to Love Yourself.
I even felt a disconnection with God. I pray every Saturday. And I know I should be studying daily. “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” (Joshua 1:8) But it wasn’t until this month that I almost couldn’t remember the last time I had prayed by the time the next Saturday had come around. And I feel hopeless. So God will come first. If I do anything it’ll be that because “If God is for me, who can be against me?” (Romans 8:31).
But I have to host a baby shower this Saturday and I’m hoping that’ll help me feel better. And also my cousin’s quincenera and I’m looking forward to seeing just one person, my cousin Amber. Maybe it’ll help rejoin the world of people. And I decided to start taking my antidepressants yesterday. I need help.